The loneliness of leadership: the weight of responsibility
"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown" - wrote Shakespeare in Henry IV. While the world has largely moved beyond the wearing of crowns, the unease the playwright speaks of is as true today as it was in the days of kings and queens. Many leaders are surprised and unsettled by the struggle for privacy and isolation.
This can be helped by coaching, the executive or the executive coaching. Below I explain in more detail what it can do and how it can help.
Leadership is a huge burden and a major source of isolation. Leaders carry the weight of decision-making, the success or failure of the organisation and the well-being of their subordinates. These responsibilities often result in managers being unable to share their dilemmas and concerns with anyone. This isolation can exacerbate stress and burnout.
In such situations a coach (a senior manager who has dealt with this and similar situations) can be extremely useful, as it provides support and objective feedback, helping the manager to better cope with responsibility and isolation.
Coaching provides support and perspective, helps to manage stress and improve decision-making skills, and provides a confidential environment to share and solve problems. A CoachLab offers specialised coaching services to develop leaders and reduce leadership loneliness, which provide an opportunity for managers to talk in confidence about their challenges and find solutions to their problems.
We're not alone in our problems with managerial isolation, although I know that's no consolation to anyone.
Isolation and loneliness are not only our struggle as leaders, but are also notoriously one of the greatest struggles of American presidents. Even the impetuous President Andrew Jackson complained of isolation within four months of taking office.
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The Harvard Business Review In 2012, it reported that more than half of CEOs felt lonely in their roles, and most found that this had a negative impact on their performance, their relationships with people and colleagues, and their personal well-being.
Today, if you type in "leadership loneliness" into Google (in English alone!), we get over 500 000 hits, and over 100 000 from Bing searches... It seems that as leaders, none of us is alone in our loneliness.
Loneliness is not the same as being alone! It is often surprising to executives that those who are surrounded by the most people (presidents, CEOs, business leaders) often struggle with privacy. Just because you are surrounded by others does not eliminate the feeling of loneliness.
MIT professor Sherry Turkle's book - Alone Together* has proposed a new hypothesis: despite being more "connected" than ever before, many of us are struggling with privacy more than ever before. Even if the hypothesis is debatable, few can argue that the instant-access nature of technology has eradicated loneliness.
Drivers face a unique risk of loneliness. There are fewer people who understand the unique challenges of leading an organisation. And those who might understand this unique burden are often so preoccupied with their own leadership journey that they cannot offer a comprehensive view.
Let us acknowledge loneliness! Trying to overcome managerial loneliness is like deciding not to pay your bills. You can pretend everything is fine for a while, but it always catches up with you sooner or later.
Both from my work with leaders who struggle with privacy and from my own frequent experience of loneliness, I know that loneliness is perceived quite badly.
However, I also know that this is not something that necessarily needs to be remedied. A sense of loneliness in leadership is indicative of at least three things:
- The ability to acknowledge and acknowledge your feelings.
- You don't (and shouldn't) develop close friendships with every colleague or subordinate.
- We recognise that we are human.
The above three are all positive attributes of excellent leadership, they do not need to be "fixed". Occasional loneliness is inherent to leadership, especially as influence grows.
Every few months I have a 2-3 day period of solitude. I've learned to admit it to myself and talk about it with a friend, coach or supervisor who isn't trying to fix me. Just acknowledging it gives me a new perspective, even if I continue to struggle at times.
Find growth in solitude! Although loneliness brings struggles and sadness, it can also open the door to a new idea, opportunity or change. If we dare to turn inward when loneliness hits, wonderful works can emerge from this time.
In his book Transitions*, William Bridges points out that loneliness is particularly challenging in times of transition (which is much broader than just job changes). He writes:
"One of the difficulties of transition in the modern world is that we have lost the value of that empty space in continuity. For us, 'emptiness' is merely a symbol of absence. So when important things like relationships, purpose and reality are missing, we try to find ways to fill in those missing elements as quickly as possible." (133.o.)
We urge leaders not to try to fill the void, but to discover what they can learn from it. Time set aside for reflection, writing, reading can help you gain a perspective that would never open up in the boardroom.
Reducing Executive Loneliness through Coaching
Leadership loneliness often results from the inability of leaders to share their thoughts and problems with other leaders and their subordinates. This isolation not only takes its toll on mental health, but also negatively affects decision-making skills and work efficiency. An appropriate coach involvement can help by providing external support and perspective. The CoachLab is a specialised leadership development and executive loneliness reduction coaching offers services that give managers the opportunity to talk confidentially about their challenges and find solutions to their problems.
The Relationship between Managerial Responsibility and Loneliness
Managerial responsibility is also a huge burden, which is another major source of managerial loneliness. On the shoulders of managers rests the weight of decision making, the success or failure of the organisation and the well-being of subordinates. These responsibilities often result in managers being unable to share their dilemmas and concerns with anyone for fear of appearing weak or incompetent. This isolation can exacerbate stress and burnout.
Find companions who understand your situation!
Like leaders, people often try to "fix" loneliness by going to people who make them forget it. While this works temporarily, it often leaves behind the deeper causes of loneliness, leading to a long-term experience of "together alone" - just as in Turkle's book.
Rather than diving into groups of people, it's better to develop business and personal relationships with others who can join us in the good times and encourage introspection during loneliness or other leadership challenges. Beware of those who want to 'fix' us - they are probably just trying to get away from our sense of discomfort and to 'better' us to appease themselves. But that's everyone's own choice, some people may find this kind of conversation helpful. Certainly not for me.
One of the best proactive ways to do this is to set up a mastermind group or mentoring relationship. I often participate in a business mastermind, which keeps me and the other participants grounded. The key to success in these is to invest in the relationship before you really need it.
More Important Thoughts on Managing Loneliness or Executive Isolation
For managers, there are many ways to "overcome" the feeling of isolation. One of the most effective ways is to create support networks where they can safely share their thoughts and feelings with others in similar situations.
Self-development and continuous learning can also contribute to mental health to preserve. Empathy and community building in the workplace help to create a positive atmosphere, which reduces feelings of isolation.
Egy másik fontos szempont a rendszeres önreflexió és az önismereti gyakorlatok bevezetése, amelyek segíthetnek a vezetőknek jobban megérteni saját érzéseiket és reakcióikat. Az ilyen gyakorlatok révén a vezetők jobban felismerhetik, mikor van szükségük segítségre és támogatásra. Ebben akár a cégnél levő belső coachok (ha van ilyen coach pool a cégnél), de akár külső coachok is segíthetnek.
In addition, the involvement of mental health professionals, such as psychologists and counsellors, can also be effective in dealing with stress and isolation. These professionals provide professional help that enables managers to better manage their mental health.
Maintaining a work-life balance is also essential. Managers need to take time for rest and leisure activities to recharge and maintain their physical and mental health. Anything that relaxes us is good. 🙂
Participating in volunteering and community involvement can also help leaders gain new perspectives and feel part of a larger community. Such activities not only provide recreation, but also an opportunity to build relationships and experience a sense of social contribution.
These strategies and methods can help managers to manage feelings of isolation more effectively and improve their overall well-being and professional effectiveness.
Executive loneliness: how can business leaders overcome this challenge?
Executive coaching - The solution to executive loneliness?
Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges for presidents and top executives.
According to the Harvard Business Review, half of all business leaders struggle with this problem, which also affects their performance.
But what else causes loneliness among leaders?
The downside of power is that certain information is only collected by the driver. This inevitably isolates him from the team. He also has to make personal, delicate decisions, which further increases the distance. Sherry Turkle theorises that increased digital connections can also paradoxically increase feelings of loneliness.
What to do if you feel lonely as a leader?
First, acknowledge and appreciate the feeling itself, not try to "fix" it. It is instructive to stop, to go deeper, to step back from time to time. Solitude can often be a source of creative energy!
Case studies show:
The leadership development and at least so the executive coaching or management coaching can effectively help you overcome loneliness in leadership.
The CoachLab executive coachAs a consultant and senior advisor, I often face this challenge with my clients. With coaching we will explore the roots and find together their personal, workable solutions to dealing with loneliness. Successful leaders don't avoid the problem, but actively tackle it.
I myself have experienced leadership isolation many times in my career. I have also learned to accept and appreciate these periods, to build supportive relationships. I now know how to use loneliness as a positive force.
Loneliness in leadership is sometimes an unavoidable companion. The most important thing is not to suffer from it, but even coach or with the help of a psychologist or other helping professional, to manage it consciously and get it on our side. Then our leadership development will not be a lonely process.
We offer a wide range of coaching and mentoring programmes for individualised leadership development. Contact us if you want to actively fight against leadership challenges and loneliness!
Proposals against Executive Loneliness
- Coaching and Executive Coaching: A coach provides support and objective feedback, helping the manager to solve problems and manage stress. CoachLab offers specialised coaching services to develop leaders and reduce executive loneliness.
- Mentoring programmes: Experienced leaders can mentor younger leaders, sharing their experience and advice.
- Networking: Regular meetings and conferences with other managers to exchange experiences and ideas.
- Leadership Support Groups: Regular meetings in small groups where leaders can share challenges and solutions in a safe environment.
- Self-awareness Training: Developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness to help leaders better understand and manage their own feelings and reactions.
- Communication Skills Development: Promote open and honest communication to strengthen workplace relations. Training and workshops can help to develop these skills.
- Work-life balance: The healthy maintaining balance reduces stress and increases mental well-being. Rest, leisure activities and family time play an important role in this.
- Requesting Professional Assistance: Involving coaches, psychologists and counsellors who can help you mental health to preserve.
- Feedback Systems: Introduce regular feedback and appraisals to help managers understand the impact of their work and their opportunities for improvement.
- Volunteering and Community Involvement: Active participation in community and charity activities that can help leaders break out of their daily routine and gain a new perspective.
How have you dealt with loneliness?
What lessons have you learned from dealing with loneliness?
Join the conversation.
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Frequently asked questions about executive privacy
Why do so many managers feel lonely?
Managers are often placed in an internal, isolated position within the organisation. They have access to information that they cannot share with anyone else, and they also have to make many personal, sensitive decisions on their own. This inevitably leads to a lonely experience.
What are the symptoms of loneliness in leadership?
The most common symptoms, in addition to feelings of loneliness, are a constant sense of isolation and withdrawal, difficulties in forming deep, personal relationships with colleagues, and constant questioning of their decisions by others.
Can the feeling of loneliness be harmful for the leader?
Loneliness in leadership is not in itself necessarily harmful or to be avoided. However, if prolonged and not managed properly, it can have a negative impact on confidence, decision-making and performance in the long term.
How can loneliness be prevented or treated?
The most important thing is to consciously acknowledge loneliness and not to suppress it. It is also vital to develop supportive relationships, mentoring, mastermind groups. These can provide a counterweight. Executive coaching can also be effective in helping to manage the situation consciously.
Can loneliness have a positive role for a leader?
Yes, solitude can be an interesting creative resource if used properly. Transitions and retreats can be an opportunity for reflection, for finding new perspectives, which the hustle and bustle of everyday life may not offer. It is worth taking advantage of this too.
