The power of "Why?": find your inner motivation in the face of external pressure!
Peter was 42 when he realised that every day for the last few years was a fake day, like a play. He couldn't even drive anymore because he felt it was dangerous, he couldn't pay enough attention to driving, so in a week took the tram to work for the third time, and her eyes became very teary but she didn't burst into tears. The nature of the man and the expectations did not allow, they kept the strength in him not to cry in the crowd on the tram. Nice career, deputy CEO, nice salary, prestige. But he himself felt increasingly empty. „Why am I doing this?„ - he asked himself every morning. The answer was always the same: because others expect it. His parents were proud of him, his wife loved his security, his colleagues saw him as a role model. But somewhere deep down, he knew that this is not his way.
Peter's story is not unique. We, the CoachLab Coaching Services we often meet people who are successful on the outside but burnt out on the inside, if not every day. This motivation, the intrinsic motivation is perhaps the most difficult, yet most important journey we can ever undertake. Think about it, have you had an experience like the one above? Have you ever asked yourself in the morning why you are doing this? Give yourself time to think about why?
Why "Why"?
Martin Luther King did not begin his famous speech with "I have a plan". Steve Jobs did not open the legendary iPhone launch with "Here's a new phone". Gandhi did not start the independence movement with "Here is our strategy".
They are all about "Why"-They started with.
Because that's not what people buy, which you do - they buy it, why you do. People are not following you because something from you want to achieve, but to actually why you want to achieve.
And that is exactly what is missing in most people's lives. They know that with they do. Some people know that, how they do. But very few people know that why they do.
A intrinsic motivation is to find the "Why". It is the invisible force that drives every big dream, every breakthrough, every real success. When you find your "Why", you're no longer working - you're on a mission.
But here's the tragedy: most people (alone) get lost along the way. They start following external cues - money, position, prestige - and forget why they set out in the first place.
This is not just a story about a career. It's about who you are and why you're here.
What really drives people? The secret of inner motivation
A intrinsic motivation was first introduced by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan in the 1970s. Intrinsic motivation arises from an individual's inner drives and interests, and the very act of doing an activity provides pleasure, satisfaction and fulfillment. This type of motivation does not require external rewards or recognition.
Daniel Pink, one of the best-known figures in motivation research, argues that human motivation is largely intrinsic, and its aspects can be divided into three parts: autonomy, mastery and purpose. Pink opposes old models of motivation driven by rewards and fear of punishment, which are dominated by external factors such as money.
The risk of overfunding
This is where one of the most important psychological phenomena comes into play: the overexposure. This means that when a naturally motivating activity we get an external reward, our intrinsic motivation gradually decreases. It is as if the reward "steals" the original pleasure we derived from the activity.
At CoachLab, during coaching or consulting sessions, we met several leaders who originally chose their profession because they loved what they did. Years later, however, they worked only for pay and promotion - the intrinsic motivation has completely disappeared.
"The greatest danger is not to aim too high and fail, but to aim too low and reach too high." - Michelangelo
Why is it so difficult to stay intrinsically motivated?
The spiral of social pressure
Our society is fundamentally based on external rewards. From an early age, we learn that we are praised for good grades and punished for bad behaviour. This pattern follows us throughout our lives: a pay rise for good performance, recognition for success, social status for position.
A career development opportunity is also essential to maintain intrinsic motivation. Employees prefer jobs that offer opportunities for development. But what happens when these opportunities stagnate or are exhausted, or do not match our true values?
The external validation trap
Another story illustrates this problem perfectly. Panna was working as a lawyer in a prestigious law firm, earning a high salary and social recognition. But every night on her way home she felt something important is missing from your life. A life coaching During the process, it emerged that his original dream was to work as a teacher and help the younger generation. But external expectations diverted him from this path. He did not change. She decided to stay on this path and try to fill this gap in other ways. What would you do?
The culture of comparison
The age of social media has amplified this problem. We see it all the time the "successes" of others - often just the appearance - and we instinctively compare our own situation with it. It is more takes us away from our own inner compass.
The process of finding the real "Why?"
1. A new approach to the SMART objective
We need to add a sixth element to the traditional SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) model: the "Why?"-tel. Behind every goal should be the deep motivation that really keeps us moving.
Specific (S): What exactly are you trying to achieve? Measurable (M): How will you know if you have done it? Available (A): Is the target realistic? Relevant (R): Why is this important to you? Time-bound (T): When do you want to achieve it? + Why (W): What is your deep, inner motivation?
2. Clarifying values
A intrinsic motivation is based on clarifying our values. These are the principles we want to live by, regardless of external circumstances.
| Examples of personal values | How they manifest themselves | External vs. Internal signal |
|---|---|---|
| Creativity | Implementing new ideas | Inside: joy in creation |
| Security | Creating a stable environment | External: recognition of others |
| Freedom | Making your own decisions | Internal: sense of autonomy |
| Contacts | Deep human bonds | Internal: giving/receiving love |
3. Using the STAR method to discover intrinsic motivation
The STAR (Situation, Task, Action, Result) method is usually used for job interviews, but it is also very useful for intrinsic motivation also for mapping:
Situation: Think of a time when you felt really energetic and satisfied with your work or a project.
Task: What did you have to do? What was your goal?
Action: What specifically did you do? What steps did you take?
Result: What was the outcome? How did you feel?
This exercise will help you to identify situations and activities that naturally arouse our inner motivation.
Strategies to deal with external pressures
Delimitation of boundaries
We find that one of the biggest challenges our clients face is the inability to say no to external expectations. Demarcating borders is not selfishness!!! - it's healthy intrinsic motivation a prerequisite for maintaining.
Practical tips for setting boundaries:
- The art of "no": Learn to politely but firmly turn down opportunities that don't fit your true goals. If you can't, ask for help, but this is a very important first step
- Prioritisation of priorities: Each week, write down your three most important goals and measure every request against them.
- Monitoring energy levels: Watch which activities give you energy and which take it away.
The principle of gradual change
We rarely have the opportunity to change our lives completely overnight. A intrinsic motivation recovery is usually a gradual process of smaller and larger steps.
A real case - Mark's story
Mark, a 32-year-old IT manager, has dreamed of starting his own startup for years. In a coaching process, we started to approach the goal in small steps: at first he worked on the project only in the evenings, on weekends. In seven months, he managed to lay the foundations to safely transition to his new main job. He still knows the answer to the why, he's just actively living it.
Creating a supportive environment
A intrinsic motivation we need people who support our real goals. This often means re-evaluating our relationships and we choose more consciously who we spend time with.
The neuroscience background: what does the brain say?
Without going into the details, because I would get lost there, intrinsic motivation is based on the psychological rewards you get from working. This is the opposite of extrinsic motivation, which is based on rewards outside of work, controlled by others. Modern neuroscience suggests that when intrinsic motivation the brain's reward centre (dopamine system) is activated in a very different way than it is when we receive external rewards.
The neurological basis of autonomy
Wow, I'm getting too scientific, sorry, I've just recently read a similar topic and I thought I'd share the relevant background, but I won't go too deep, I promise.
So, the prefrontal cortex is where the areas responsible for the sense of autonomy are located. When we feel that we act as a result of our own decisions, these areas show more intense activity. This explains why we feel greater satisfaction with results achieved through our own internal motivation.
Reprogramming: how to get back to intrinsic motivation
1. The role of mindfulness
Practising Conscious Presence helps us to notice the difference between intrinsic motivation and the external pressure Between. When we learn to pay attention to our inner feelings, we can more easily recognize when we are acting on our true desires and when we are acting on external expectations.
A simple mindfulness exercise to discover your inner motivation:
I learned it from a friend who knows someone in the field of mindfulness, but it's very basic and not difficult to implement, so I'll share it with you. If I'm going to share it, at least try it! 🙂
- Five minutes silence: Take five minutes a day to sit quietly and listen to your breath.
- Identifying feelings: Ask yourself: "What am I feeling right now? What is energizing me and what is draining me?"
- Non-judgmental observation: Don't judge the feelings, just acknowledge them.
2. The "principium of curiosity"
A intrinsic motivation natural curiosity is one of the most powerful drivers. We all had it as children - we were always asking questions, wanting to explore, wanting to learn. This attitude can be recovered. In fact, if you (also) listen to me, you'll work to get it back!
How do you reawaken your curiosity?
- 30-day challenge: Learn something new every day that interests you. - it's not easy, but it's worth it!
- Asking questions: Start asking questions in areas that have long interested you.
- Exploratory walks: Take new roads, visit places you've never been before. - It won't be hard to do. 😉
3. Bringing back playfulness
Pink, whom I mentioned above in the chapter on the secret of intrinsic motivation, argues that people's intrinsic motivation is directed towards do things that matter. But it is important to add: 'calculating' does not necessarily mean serious, difficult tasks. Playfulness can also be a profound motivator. When we played as kids, we did it not because we had to - but because we got pleasure from it, were curious about the outcome, and were naturally motivated to get to the "next level". Growing up. intrinsic motivation is often based on the same playful elements: the excitement of discovery, the joy of progress, and the freedom to "play" by our own rules. The most successful people are often those who have managed to retain this childhood curiosity and playfulness in their work.
Related research and trends
According to recent research by Harvard Business Review, the biggest motivator for employees is not external incentives, but something else: a sense of progress. Professor Teresa Amabile has found in years of research that days when people feel they have made progress on an important project show significantly higher levels of motivation.
This is in line with the intrinsic motivation theory: when you are working on something that is meaningful to you and you can feel the progress, then we are naturally motivated.
Trends in workplace motivation in 2024
The 2024 research shows that the most important thing for white-collar workers non-financial incentives include the flexible working hours, the possibility of teleworking, and personal development programmes. They are all about intrinsic motivation by providing greater autonomy and development opportunities.
Practical steps to strengthen intrinsic motivation
Weekly exercises:
- Energy auditing: Make a note of which activities give you energy and which take it away.
- Rethinking values: Ask yourself: "Is this action consistent with my values?"
- Setting micro-targets: Set small goals that fit in with your bigger dreams.
- Evaluating relationships: Think about whether your environment supports it your inner motivation.
Monthly routines:
- Coaching conversation: Whether with yourself or a professional - review your goals and motivation.
- Exploring new areas: Try something new that you've been interested in for a long time.
- Analysis of feedback: What feedback do you get? Which are reinforced your inner motivation?
When should you ask for help?
There are situations when it is difficult to find the intrinsic motivation. If you've been feeling the "must" for months, if you have lost touch with what you really care about, or if you feel that the expectations of others have completely overwhelmed your own desires, you may want to coaching help ask for.
A CoachKereső.hu to help you find the right professional to support you in getting back in touch with your inner motivation.
When is coaching particularly useful?
- Before a career change: When you are unsure about what you want to do.
- In case of burnout: If you have lost touch with what used to motivate you.
- During major life changes: In case of divorce, relocation, age-related changes.
- When redefining objectives: When you need to rethink your priorities.
The road to the future
A intrinsic motivation is not a one-off event, but continuous practice. As we change and evolve, so can our motivations. The key is to be aware of what drives you from within and not let external pressures completely drown out that inner voice.
The story of Peter, who I wrote about at the beginning of this article, did not end with the "almost crying" on the tram. Six months later, he has managed to move into a position where he can put his creativity and networking skills to good use. Today, the thought of crying on the way to work no longer comes up - he's happy about that. In fact, he could do it because he had already created a level of security for himself and his family where this move was not a problem, but it has significantly improved his life and the daily life of his immediate family and he no longer goes to work...
The road map we also use in coaching sessions from time to time
- Developing self-awareness - What am I really?
- Clarifying values - What is important to me?
- Redefining objectives - What do I want to achieve and why?
- Shaping the environment - How do you create a supportive environment?
- Continuous improvement - How do I maintain the intrinsic motivation?
Concluding thoughts
A intrinsic motivation is perhaps one of the most precious gifts we can give ourselves. It's not always an easy journey, and it doesn't always come with instant external recognition. But when we manage to align our actions with our inner values and desires, we can feel a deep satisfaction that surpasses all external rewards.
Remember: the question is not "What do I expect of myself?" but "What do I really want?" The answer is within you - you just have to find the silence to hear it.
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