Assertiveness in leadership: the intersection of advocacy and psychological safety
In current business situations, 70% of management failures are not due to professional shortcomings but to communication and relationship breakdowns. As leaders, we are walking a tightrope every day: if we are too tough, we are branded aggressive and lose talent; if we are too permissive, efficiency suffers.
In this stress field, the assertiveness is not just a soft skill, but the foundation for sustainable effectiveness and personal leadership credibility. Róbert Radó, Senior Business Executive Coach and organisational development experience shows that the lack of assertiveness in managers often translates into „decision paralysis” or implicit aggression, which poisons the corporate culture.
What is the real meaning of assertiveness?
Many people mistakenly identify assertiveness as the „art of saying no”. In fact, it is a a complex way of behaving and thinking in which you are able to express your needs, feelings and rights without violating the dignity or interests of others.
In psychological terms, assertiveness is a balance of self-esteem and respect for others. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines assertiveness as an adaptive response style that reduces stress and improves the quality of interpersonal relationships by being free from both submission and dominance.
A professional outlook: While Wikipedia focuses on types, in management practice assertiveness is a kind of emotional integrity report. The ability to remain true to the organisation's goals and values under the greatest pressure.
The 3 pillars of leadership assertiveness (Unique approach)
A CoachLab's methodology for leadership assertiveness must be understood at three levels that go beyond traditional communication panels:
1. Radical honesty vs. Psychological safety
The manager's job is to give feedback. The assertive leader does not hide behind a façade (passivity), but does not destroy the self-esteem of the subordinate (aggression). He or she speaks the unpleasant truth while maintaining a safe environment where failure is a means of learning, not punishment.
2. Drawing borders as resource management
One of the main causes of management burnout is a lack of assertiveness towards senior management. Assertiveness here does not mean rejection, but a clash of priorities. When everything is „urgent”, nothing is. An assertive leader is able to communicate transparently the capacities of his team, thus protecting long-term performance.
3. The „Assertive Presence”
This is the non-verbal and strategic level. It's not just what you say, but the inner stability you radiate. In Róbert Radó's executive coaching processes, we often find that the „body language” of leaders betrays their insecurities, which the team senses immediately. Assertiveness starts with internal congruence.
Case study: when the „too cool” leader almost lost his team
In one of Róbert Radó's executive coaching sessions, the COO of a medium-sized company came to him with the problem that his team was overworked, deadlines were slipping and he felt „everyone was stepping on him”.
The diagnosis: The director confused assertiveness with conflict avoidance. He did not dare to say a firm no to the unrealistic demands of the owners because he wanted to remain a „good team player”. As a result, he inadvertently transferred stress to his subordinates or worked late into the night himself.
The CoachLab intervention: In the process, we not only learned sentence panels, but also reframed the responsibility of leadership. We highlighted: saying no for the owner is actually a yes to the mental health of his team and to quality work.
The result: After the Director had presented the capacity limits to senior management in an assertive manner, supported by data: (which we look at below, specifically along one of the proven patterns)
- The respect of the ownership has increased (seen as more professional).
- Staff turnover has stopped in your department.
- Transparent communication has increased team confidence by 40% (based on internal survey).
„Assertiveness is not a wall, but a bridge between possibilities and reality.” - Róbert Radó
The specific assertive technique in practice: the „Priority Control” formula, i.e. why did this technique work?
Let's see what exactly was said at the negotiating table. Instead of the manager nodding silently at the extra task (passivity) or angrily refusing (aggression), the following data-driven assertive formula applied:
„I can see that this new project is a strategic priority for the company (Validation). However, the current utilisation of the team is 95% and the deadline for the previously fixed projects ‘A’ and ‘B’ is next week (Facts and figures). If this new task is added now, the delivery of project ‘A’ will be demonstrably delayed by 10 days. I suggest that we either reallocate extra resources or start the new project at the end of the month. Which option better supports our quarterly goals?”
Why did this pattern work?
- He did not say „no”: Offered alternatives (options).
- He argued with data: He did not talk about his feelings („we work a lot”), but about capacity and deadlines.
- He put the responsibility back: The decision-maker is confronted with the consequences of his own priorities.
This type of communication not only protects the team, but also paints a picture of a confident, strategic partner in the eyes of senior management - what we call „Executive Presence” in Róbert Radó's executive coaching processes.
How can this be converted into practice?
Theoretical knowledge of assertiveness is scarce; real change requires skill-level application. The cornerstone of this is the mastery of assertive communication techniques, such as the use of „I-messages” or the „DESC” model in critical situations.
If you want to understand the methodology in more depth and learn specific techniques, read also a very detailed, professional article on assertive communication, where we present a step-by-step recipe for a successful dialogue.
Why CoachLab and Róbert Radó?
As a leadership developer and Senior Business Executive Coach, I see that assertiveness is not a static state, but a muscle that needs to be constantly developed. A CoachLab aims to empower leaders in the Hungarian SME sector and the multinational environment to develop a culture where frank words and firm action are not mutually exclusive but mutually reinforcing.
2 unique thoughts to close with, which you will not read elsewhere:
- Assertiveness is not democratic decision-making: Many managers are afraid that assertiveness will make them ask everyone. Wrong. An assertive leader makes decisions, but the process and the way they are communicated is respectful and clear.
- Silence can also be assertive: Sometimes the strongest assertive response is attention and conscious silence. Those who dominate the space don't need to out-shout others.
- Want to take your leadership skills and assertiveness to the next level? Róbert Radó and the CoachLab's team of experts ready to support you and your team through a tailored executive coaching or organisational development process.
And just to emphasise:
Why is assertiveness necessary and why is it important as a leader?
Assertiveness is necessary because without it, management communication oscillates between two extremes: accommodation or pressure. Neither is sustainable. The assertive leader is able to be clear about his or her expectations without destroying relationships and without giving up on himself or herself. This is not „fine talk”, but stable decision-making and communication.
As a leader, assertiveness is particularly important because creates security. A team works well when it knows what to expect: what the limits are, what the expectations are, what can be said without consequences. An assertive leader does not avoid conflict, but also does not escalate it unnecessarily - he or she can manage tension before it becomes hidden resistance, burnout or turnover.
Assertiveness also means gives credibility. One of the most common problems with managers is not a lack of professionalism, but that they are either too permissive or too hard. Assertiveness allows the leader to be consistent: to say no, to give feedback, to advocate decisions - without explanation or force. This is the point where leadership works not from position but from internal stability.
In short: assertiveness no long-term management without. But there is an overstretched leader, an insecure team and unspoken tension. Assertiveness can replace these with clarity, trust and real collaboration.
Want to develop your leadership presence with the support of Róbert Radó? Contact us!
8-point Leadership Integrity and Assertiveness Audit
This test is not about „niceness”, but about leadership effectiveness. Assess yourself in the light of the past quarter:
- Resource protection: Did I say no to a request that would have jeopardised my team's annual objectives?
- Upward honesty: Did I report to my supervisor if I disagreed with a decision professionally, or did I implement it in silence?
- Courage to report back: Have I kept difficult conversations (e.g. underperformance) to 48 hours, or have I delayed for fear of conflict?
- Immunity from prosecution: Did I take responsibility for my own mistakes in front of the team without pointing to external circumstances?
- Informal dominance: Was I able to remain silent in a meeting until everyone had their say, instead of letting my position dictate the floor?
- Clarity of requests: When I delegated, did I set clear expectations, or did I „hope” that my colleague would figure out my ideas?
- Emotional neutrality: Was I able to remain objective even when I felt a criticism was a personal attack?
- Ability to switch: Am I able to recognise when I need to show empathy and when I need to put a definite structure to the process?
Evaluation: If you answered with a resounding „Yes” to fewer than 6 questions, developing assertiveness is not just a communication need, but a critical business risk management issue for you.
But knowing the theory is only the first step. Read also a very detailed, professional article on assertive communication, where you can learn the technical basics.
FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions
What is the difference between assertiveness and „kindness” in leadership?
Many people confuse assertiveness with conflict avoidance or over-indulgence. While kindness often seeks popularity, assertiveness is the clarity and effectiveness. The assertive leader is not afraid of unpopular decisions, but communicates them without compromising the dignity of the employee.
Can assertiveness be learned or is it an innate personality trait?
Assertiveness is a learned behaviour, not a genetic predisposition. Although basic nature influences the starting point, through conscious practice, executive coaching and by removing internal barriers (e.g. compliance or control), anyone can become a confident advocate.
How can a leader be assertive when the management above him is aggressive (A unique approach)
This is „upward assertiveness”. The key to objectivity and the drawing of boundaries. The focus should not be on emotions, but on consequences and data. The advice of Róbert Radó: „Don't react to aggression, react to the goal. Tell how style is holding back the joint business outcome.”
Can silence also be a tool for assertiveness? (A unique approach)
Yes, strategic silence is one of the most powerful assertive tools. In a tense negotiation or conflict, a deliberate pause before responding conveys control. It sends the message „I am in control of the situation and I will not let your emotions control me”. Assertiveness is not about the quantity of speech, but about the weight of the communication.
Why do most assertiveness trainings fail in practice?(Professional critique/Unique point)
Most training only teaches communication panels (e.g. „I-messages”), but does not address the leading internal belief system. If a leader deeply believes that „the boss is always right” or that „conflict is dangerous”, the technique remains contrived. The CoachLab approach therefore combines psychological depth with practical techniques.
