I'm angry and I can't handle it - how can coaching help?
Introduction
"I am angry." - If you hear this phrase regularly or even say it, you probably feel that something is wrong. Anger is a natural human emotion, but if it's too frequent, too strong or too uncontrollable, it can have a serious impact not only on our relationships, but also on our physical and mental health. Coaching can help with this too: it not only treats the symptoms, but also supports you to understand your feelings more deeply and find your equilibrium.
The nature of anger - what is this emotion?
Anger is a basic emotion that has an evolutionary role: it has helped us survive, signalling when we are in danger or injustice has been done to us. Anger is not the enemy. It becomes a problem when:
- Appears too often
- We cannot communicate
- We suppress it and it explodes in other forms (e.g. anxiety, physical symptoms)
- Harmful ways of conducting (e.g. outbursts, aggression, passive-aggressive behaviour)
The first step to awareness is to recognise that anger carries valuable information about what is important to us and where our limits are.
Sources of anger - why am I always angry?
Anger is not a single cause. It is often multi-layered and not always conscious. Some of the more common starting points:
1. Stress, burnout, mental exhaustion
When we are under a lot of daily stimuli and constant pressure to perform, the body's ability to regulate emotions becomes less and less. Anger is one of the most rapidly activated stress reactions.
2. Communication difficulties
Many of us have not learned how to express our desires or boundaries assertively, respectfully but firmly. This can lead to frustration and repressed anger.
3. Family patterns, transgenerational emotional legacies
If in our family we were not allowed to be angry or, on the contrary, only allowed to get attention by being angry, this affects the way we deal with emotions in adulthood.
4. Lack of identity, values and real goals
Anger can often be a sign that we are not on our own path. Career crises, role conflicts, unfulfilled dreams can all trigger frustration.
What is the difference between anger and aggression?
It is important to distinguish between anger as an emotion and aggression as a behaviour. There is nothing wrong with anger, even if it is intense. Aggression, on the other hand, can be harmful - verbal or physical. Coaching can help: it can teach you to recognise, accept and manage anger in a constructive way.
Coaching to look behind the anger
A life coaching tools to help you:
- Unravel the roots of your anger
- Be aware of the your inner motivations
- Communicate assertively
- Develop healthy emotion regulation
- Choose a life path that serves you
If conflicts at work are a major source of stress, it is worth career coaching or executive coaching to choose.
What happens in a coaching session?
A coach doesn't give advice, but helps you find the answers yourself by asking questions. In a typical session:
- You define your goal (e.g. I want to manage my anger better)
- We explore why this area is causing difficulties
- You will be given tools: self-awareness exercises, emotion diary, life role review
- I am preparing an action plan
Who is coaching for?
Coaching is not psychotherapy, but it can be a great tool if:
- You don't want to dwell on the past for years, you'd rather move forward
- You know you're angry, but you don't know why
- Do you want to react better to a tense situation tomorrow
For more information on coaching prices click here: https://CoachLab.hu/coaching-arak/
Knowledge transfer: practical tools for anger management
1. STOP technology (Mindfulness based)
- S: Stop for a moment
- T: Take a deep breath
- O: Listen to what's going on inside you
- P: Choose your reaction consciously
2. Practising assertive communication
E.g. "When you said that, I felt that... I want you to..."
3. Keeping a logbook
Make a note:
- What triggered it?
- What physical symptoms did you experience?
- How did you react?
- What did you learn from it?
Where can I find a coach?
A coachkereso.hu helps you navigate the world of home coaches. You can filter by area of expertise, experience or location.
If you prefer to find a professional online or in Budapest, you can also visit my partner site: https://coachbp.hu/
Closure: Use to build what has been destroyed
If you are angry, it means you are important. Your feelings, your boundaries, your life are important. Coaching helps you to use these not to destroy but to build.
For more self-awareness articles, visit the CoachLab blog!
