Self-confidence and coping with failure; How to become more resilient in the face of adversity?

Self-confidence and dealing with failure; How to become more resilient in the face of adversity?

5 Key lessons learned

1. Failure is not a destination, but part of progress - The most successful people often experience more failures in their careers than the average person.
2. Self-confidence is a learnable skill - With specific techniques and exercises, anyone can improve their self-confidence.
3. How to deal with failures is more important than the failures themselves - The interpretative framework is crucial to our future success.
4. Developing a flexible mindset is key - A "growth mindset" allows us to see challenges as opportunities.
5. Regular reflection and self-assessment builds resilience - Conscious processing helps to incorporate lessons learned from failures.

Getting up after a failure is perhaps one of the most difficult human experiences. Yet those moments when something fails are as much a part of our journey as the great victories. Research shows that successful people experience more failures, not fewer - the difference lies in how they deal with them. Thomas Edison, who made over 1,000 failed experiments before developing the light bulb, famously said:

"I have not failed. I've just found 1,000 ways in which it doesn't work."

67% of Hungarian adults say they have a strong lack of self-confidence, according to a 2023 survey; in your professional or private life. This rate is remarkably and, in our view, surprisingly high; it highlights the fact that self-confidence and failure management is important to most of us and area to be developed! But how to build or recover or strengthen the self-confidence, and how can we put failures at the service of progress? This article offers practical guidance on how to do this; a daily challenge that affects us all.

The anatomy of self-confidence

The self-confidence not an innate, immutable trait; an ability that can be developed. In psychological terms, self-confidence consists of three main elements:

1. The Self-assessment - how we see our own value;
2. Faith in ourselves or we can also call it selfnEfficiency: - how much we believe we can solve problems;
3. Self-acceptance - whether and to what extent we are able to accept both our strengths and weaknesses;

When we fail, all three elements can be damaged. The good news is that with targeted strategies, each of these areas can be improved!

According to research by the Hungarian Psychological Association, people's self-confidence differs significantly in different areas of life. Someone can be confident professionally but insecure in social relationships, or vice versa. This indicates that self-confidence is context-dependent and should be developed in a domain-specific way.

The psychology and physiological effects of failure

When we experience failure, our bodies respond with a stress response. Cortisol (the stress hormone) levels rise, the amygdala (the emotional centre of the brain) is activated and the "fight or flight" response kicks in. This biological response has been evolutionarily useful for survival, but in modern life it often hinders rational thought and action.

The table shows that the way in which failure is dealt with is a key determinant of its long-term effects. Conscious processing also supports the development of resilience at a biological level.

Attitudes to failure: fixed attitudes vs. evolving attitudes

Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck has been researching the mindset of successful people for decades. Her findings show that there are two basic types of mindsets:

1. Fixed mindset (fixed mindset): Abilities and qualities are seen as innate, immutable gifts. Failure in this framework leads to a questioning of personal worth.
2. A growth mindset:: He sees skills as something to be developed and failure as a learning opportunity. This approach allows for greater flexibility in adaptation.

According to a survey of Hungarian undergraduates, students with a developmental approach were 42% more likely to retake failed exams and 35% more likely to score better on their second attempt than their fixed approach peers.

7 practical strategies to boost confidence and deal with failure

1. Transforming the internal dialogue

The quality of the conversation we have with ourselves has a profound effect on our self-confidence. Instead of thoughts like "I'll never be able to do that", try these phrases:

• "I can't do it yet, but with practice I will."
• "I failed this time, but I can and will learn from it for next time."
• "One failure does not define me, just one small event in my life."

Recognizing and reframing negative internal dialogue is a skill that can be learned with practice! Start by taking note of your self-critical thoughts for a week, then consciously reframe them into a more supportive, positive form.

2. A strategy for small successes

Most research shows that self-confidence is not built by big leaps, but by experiencing many small successes. Set small goals that are challenging but still achievable for you. Every small success releases dopamine in the brain, which boosts your sense of accomplishment.

An example of an incremental goal, especially if you are afraid to speak out publicly:

1. Have a say small groups of friends on a subject that is important to you and preferably well known ; This will give you - among other things - a sense of security
2. Ask questions at one or more professional events
3. Give a short presentation to 3-4 of your colleagues
4. Do a 10-minute performance; in front of a smaller audience...

3. Conscious processing of failure - the REAL model

To approach failures andit is worth taking a structured approach. The REÁL model, a framework developed by Hungarian experts, is here to help you:

• Rreflection: what exactly happened? What factors were at play?
• ÉProcessing my emotions: how did it make me feel? How can I accept them?
• Áframing; What lessons can I learn? How can I see this as an opportunity?
• LConstruction: what will I do differently next time? What concrete action plan do I have?

This method will help you to avoid getting caught up in the negative emotional spiral of failure and to be able to move on constructively.

4. Commitment to peer support and vulnerability

Paradoxically, self-confidence is often strengthened when we dare to face our vulnerabilities. A Hungarian study showed that those who were able to share their experiences of failure in a supportive environment regained their confidence 58% faster than those who kept to themselves.

Building and maintaining supportive relationships is key to building resilience. This doesn't necessarily mean telling everyone about your failures, but it is worth developing a 'circle of trust' where you can talk honestly about your experiences.

5. Conscious selection of reference points

Comparison is a natural human tendency, but if we choose the wrong reference points, it can lead to constant dissatisfaction. In the age of social media, it's especially important to be aware that we only see the results of others' successes, not their struggles.

Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own development. Compare where you are now to where you were a month ago, a year ago. This kind of "self-referential comparison" creates a much healthier basis for developing self-confidence.

6. Skills development and preparation

One of the most powerful sources of self-confidence is competence. The better you know something, the more confident you will be in it. Regular practice, learning and preparation will have a profound effect on how you cope with challenges.

According to a survey of Hungarian workers, those who spent at least 3 hours a week on developing their professional skills experienced 421T3T less work-related stress and 271T3T more job satisfaction than those who did not invest time in development.

7. Perfectionism, letting go of perfectionism

The pursuit of perfection is one of the biggest obstacle can be the key to developing self-confidence and recovering from failure! Are 41% of Hungarian adults struggling with harmful or pathological behaviours? 😉 perfectionism; which also significantly increases the risk of burnout, anxiety and depression. So it's good to pay attention to this and work on it as soon as you notice it, to prevent these negative effects.

Instead of perfection, aim for "good enough" solutions. Define in advance what you consider acceptable performance; and celebrate when you achieve it, rather than constantly demanding more of yourself.

How to incorporate failure management into everyday life?

Developing self-confidence and resilience in the face of failure is not a one-off exercise, but a continuous practice. Here are some methods you can incorporate into your everyday life:

1. Keep a daily reflective diary:: - Each night, write down one thing that went well that day, one challenge you experienced and one lesson you learned.
2. "Celebrating failure" - Some innovative companies have already introduced a "celebration of failure" exercise, where team members share what they tried that didn't work and what they learned from it. You can use this exercise with family or friends.
3. Comfort zone challenges - On a weekly basis, take on a small challenge that's a little out of your comfort zone. These small steps can significantly boost your confidence over time.
4. Establishing mental hygiene routines - Regular practice of meditation, breathing exercises and other stress management techniques can strengthen your ability to maintain emotional balance in the face of challenges.

All of these...

Developing self-confidence and dealing with failure are skills that can and should be developed consciously. As statistics and research have shown, these skills not only affect our personal well-being, but are also fundamental to our professional success.

Conscious self-improvement, developing an evolving mindset and redefining failure as an opportunity to learn are strategies that pay off in the long run. Remember:

"The success of your life is not determined by how many times you fall, but by how many times you get up and what you learn from the falls."

Perhaps the most important lesson is that self-confidence does not actually come from the absence of failure, but from the ability to cope with failure productively.

The strongest people are not those who never make mistakes, but those who can learn from their mistakes and move on.