My colleague is stupid! Stupid colleagues? Or is it me?
You hate your colleagues with all your heart - everyone hates stupid colleagues with all their heart - and you'd like to leave your job and wish you could go to hell? Many messages like this come in, and many people ask for help on this subject. But who is the stupid one? You who are suffering, your colleague who is driving you crazy, or your boss who is letting your work life become a living hell? Let me tell you, there is a third way, and no, it's not quitting. Stick with me and I'll show you what it is!
Is my colleague stupid? Or am I?
Now I'll tell you what it's like to be approached by a coach in real life. It doesn't happen when someone signs up for a super-coaching process because they read a marketing text. This is not reality. Reality starts with everyday problems that drag us down, get into our thoughts and often don't even let us sleep. It's something that gnaws at our stomachs when we walk into the office in the morning. You know the most common first sentence I get from my clients? Maybe you know someone like that, or maybe you feel the same way about your own situation:
"Rob, help me! I can't stand my stupid colleagues!"
At first, even as a coach, I was confused about how to handle such a frank outburst. Now what can I ask that doesn't make you think I'm stupid if I don't understand.. I do understand, of course I do, but as a coach I don't have to understand, and I shouldn't, but I have worked in many large multinational companies with many different generations, cultures and types of people and work ethics, so I understand exactly what is going on and I have encountered more than one such outburst as an employee, as a manager and working with coaching clients.
It's not even a question of whether someone is it really "stupid", but who contacted me, what he means by. The word "stupid" can be used to describe many things, and it does not necessarily refer to the intelligence of the person. It can refer to a colleague's lack of understanding of the task, their lack of consideration for the opinions of others, or simply a different pace of work that frustrates them. But most commonly, the word "stupid" is used to express anger, frustration and hopelessness, stemming from helplessness, when you don't know what to do about the situation.
Is the word "stupid" a blunt, unvarnished confession of reality? This is what pushes people to companies, managers to workers, and workers to the wall. To address a situation like this, you have to look at what's behind the anger and inertia, because being "stupid" is not a diagnosis, it's more of a symptom that can indicate a much more serious, deeper problem. The problem that is degrading the quality of life at work, that is reducing efficiency and that is causing stress and burnout.
Are you the stupid one? Your colleague or your boss?
When you wake up with the thought of having to go back to that hellish work environment where everyone is annoying you, the first thing you should do is introspect. If you're honest with yourself, you can ask yourself, "Could it be me?" This question is usually born out of desperation and hopelessness, and most of my clients are at this point when they are looking for a solution. But think about it! Could it be you who is poisoning the world around you with your own problems, your stressful lifestyle, your poor communication, your negative attitude? Maybe your colleague is not "stupid", but you don't understand that he communicates and works differently than you?
If you notice, most workplace conflicts arise from a lack of communication, misunderstandings or differences in personality types. Not everyone can express themselves as effectively as you can. Not everyone can work as fast as you. Not everyone is motivated in the same way you are. But if you look at your colleague who keeps annoying you, why does he do it? He's probably not teasing you or annoying you on purpose, but simply seeing the world from his comfort zone, from his own perspective. And if you look at your boss? He may be responsible for the toxic environment because he fails to recognize conflict, fails to solve problems, and lets things get out of hand.
The Trojan horse, or the stupid employee in the company
In the corporate world, the "stupid" employee is actually a Trojan horse that is decomposing from within the organisation. It is not just an annoying person, but a factor that systematically undermines team morale, efficiency and performance. The root of the problem often lies in a poor hiring process. Either the manager and the HR person do not realise that a person is of value not only for their skills but also for their attitude, or they simply do not care.
Think about it, how much can an employee who doesn't meet deadlines, who is constantly fighting with colleagues, who tries to undermine the status or position of the person he is trying to replace and who creates tension, ruin the work of a team? Such a person not only fails to do his own job, but slows down and frustrates the whole team, and takes away their motivation. If the company managers and HR people don't take action, then the effect of the problem employee is like a slow poison, reducing company performance, employee engagement and profits. Of course, they are often hard to spot because they try to be the centre of attention, talking to everyone and convincing them how good it will be for them if this or that happens. Also, often such colleagues are - for want of a better word - sucking up, and so you don't even realise that they are the really well-hidden Trojan horses. Most of the time it's only the problems and tensions that get noticed after a while.
Many people are unaware of the damage that such a situation can cause, but the numbers and statistics don't lie: employee attrition, high turnover, increased sick leave and poor performance all indicate that something is wrong with the company.
The responsibility of company directors: in the ivory tower
Now let's look at it from the perspective of business leaders, who are one of our target audiences. Business leaders often think that their job is to stifle problems or solve them when they are too big. But this is not the case. It is the job of the manager/leader to prevent problems, to make employees feel comfortable, and to ensure that the team can work together effectively. But how many managers and leaders consider that the problem of "stupid" employees is not just a private matter for the employees, but a serious business problem?
The concept of employee engagement has become important in modern management for a reason. Employee engagement is the key to a company's success, and if employees are not feeling well, if tension is part of their daily lives, then their productivity and motivation is reduced. Managers and executives must listen to the signs and act before the situation becomes irreversible. Problems should not be swept under the carpet and left to sort themselves out, but should be discussed openly and solutions found. Most of the time thisThis is where coaching comes in, as an effective tool for managing workplace conflict and improving communication.
The solution that is not termination!
But what is the solution when the situation has got so bad that you want to quit? The first and most important step is to assess the situation and understand the root of the problem. Quitting should not be the first solution, because you may face similar problems in your next job. My job as a coach is to help you see the situation from the outside and change your communication style and attitude, which will also improve your relationship with your colleagues.
A coaching process I will give you the tools and techniques to communicate effectively, manage conflict and reduce stress. Coaching is not therapy, but a process to solve the problem and improve the situation. Coaching also supports your personal development and helps you to improve your soft skills. This is not only useful in your workplace, but also in your personal life. And the ultimate goal is not to change your "stupid" colleague, but to change your attitude, your behaviour, which will have an impact on the people around you. In this way, you can convince not only your colleagues, but also your boss and the management that the problem is not your fault, but a systemic problem that needs to be solved.
A call to action
Do you think that is the problem of "stupid" colleagues unique and you are helpless? Then just think that the problem is not your fault, but a systemic problem that needs to be solved. To change the situation, leaders, managers, HR and employees need to take action. If you're in the same situation, suffering because of your "stupid" colleagues, don't hesitate to contact me! During the coaching process, I will give you the tools to not only solve your problem, but also help you in your future career. Coaching is an investment in yourself that pays off and improves not only your work life, but also your personal life. Stop letting stress and frustration ruin your life and take action! If this article has caught your attention, feel free to contact us or even me and let's see how we can overcome your problem together!
If you'd like to look at coaches elsewhere, check out Coachkereso.hu or the coach-kereso.hu pages.
